At the beginning of March 2017 I moved away from Salt Lake City to a beautiful animal sanctuary in the stunning La Sal mountains of Utah. I knew that this move was going to be life changing for me. What I didn’t know was that it was going to alter and transform every aspect of my being. I didn’t know I was going to experience so much life and so much death. I have had many profound and life altering experiences since moving here. I have realized through these experiences that we can’t know what it means to truly live without knowing what it means to die. Whether death is literal or symbolic, we must understand death to understand life.
Since moving here I have experienced both symbolic death and physical death. We are a sanctuary for special needs animals, and this means that many of our animals have
physical disabilities. These animals are our family. I have always loved animals, but never have I loved them the way I do now. They are such precious gifts who bring so much joy into my life. Over the last year and a half of being here we have experienced the passing of 3 cats, 4 dogs and 4 horses. Two of them, our beloved Sam (15 yr. old dog) and our beloved Half Moon (4 yr. old horse), passed just yesterday. Even though every one of these deaths were hard and incredibly sad for me, I must say that this one is the hardest. My heart feels bruised and my chest heavy with grief.
Moon, along with several of our other horses, was born with leg deformities caused by bad breeding. These deformities progress differently in each of our horses. Sometimes I
don’t think it’s fair that we have to make the decision to say goodbye to the ones we love. Especially when we are faced with the decision because of another human beings unconsciousness. It is hard for me to not feel angry about the way so many animals, and even people, suffer because of the unconscious and selfish actions of others. I can’t wait until awakening becomes the majority instead of the minority.
One thing I do know, is that I am forever blessed to have been a part of these animals lives, no matter how long it is or has been. I have learned that every moment we spend with the ones we love, be they human or animal, is very precious. I already miss Sam’s fiery and playful spirit. I miss Moon’s shine and his young curious heart. My life is forever touched by these two beautiful souls. I’ll love them forever.
So many of us don’t allow ourselves to fully love anyone or thing, we don’t allow our hearts to open up wide to life because we fear losing what we love.
We are not alive if we are not loving and experiencing all aspects of life. And we are not alive if we are not feeling every emotion that comes with each of these experiences. Even though I am incredibly sad right now, I am so grateful I can feel my emotions. If we allow ourselves to fully experience the grief that comes with the loss of a loved one, it will allow us to see through the veil and connect us deeply to the world of spirit. I am extremely grateful that I am able to feel my emotions, no matter how hard it is at times. And I am so blessed to see through the veil and experience both the physical and the spiritual world.
Wise women and healers of old would assist in bringing life into the world, and they would assist in the transition of moving from this life into the next. It was their job to be schooled in life and death. No matter how death shows up in our lives, we cannot help but be changed by it. How we are changed is entirely up to us. I have grown so much over the past 21 months of my life. I am so much more grounded in my spirit, my truth and my gifts. I trust in myself more than ever, and I feel so capable when it comes to fully living my life and my purpose. I was a girl when I moved here, and I will be leaving here, not only as a woman, but as a wise woman and a healer.